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Joke of the Day

"There are 5 things I really hate: 1) Racists. 2) People who can't spell. 3) Math 4) Whyte people"

"HER: You promised me you were over your Bruce Willis obsession. ME: Sorry. Old habits die hard with a vengeance."

"Have fun, but be careful. Your sister was vacuumed up last week, and yesterday your cousin was killed with a shoe. - spider moms, probably"

"How did Tom Brady's feel after losing to the Broncos? Deflated"

"Why would you ask me for directions? You just saw me walk into a closed door."

"What do crack addicts sing while caroling? All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!"

"KIDNAPPER: [on phone] I'm holding your son for ransom. DAD: I have no money, what's the ransom? KIDNAPPER: Bring me one rich kid."

"If the world was made of LSD, I'd learn to walk on my tongue."

"Helen Keller walks in to a bar.... Then a table... Then a chair"

"On April Fools Day a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack."