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Joke of the Day

"*ex GF pulls up to drive thru where I work* ""Big mac please"" ""Would u like LIES with that?!"" *my boss dragging me away* ""LIES, LUCY.. LIES!"""

"What is Mexico's National Sport? Cross-Country"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? A Japanese business man wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face"

"As I mentally undress you my OCD kicks in and I mentally fold all your clothes."

"Happy Independence Day Except For Slaves Day!"

"Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses around."

"Why are pharmaceutical chemists considered such studs? They're able to make a fun-gal cream."

"If Jesus invested $1 dollar when He was alive, it would have grown into $100 trillion dollars today. But that's the thing about Jesus, He didn't invest, He saved."

"Police in Yorkshire have discovered a new method of taking Ecstasy, where users dab it into their mouths... E by gum"

"I'm going to put my limbs into each corner of a fitted sheet and attempt to become a sugar glider."