123012

Joke of the Day

"What's crunchy on the outside and airy in the inside? A lightbulb."

"A straight face and a sincere-sounding ""Huh?"" have gotten me out of more trouble than I can remember."

"Home buying tips: -Up & coming area = Murders -Good for young professional = Cheap bc of murders -Open layout = See murders from the kitchen"

"I think my girlfriend is starting to gain weight. She's starting to fit into my wife's clothes."

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't."

"Isis released a statement saying, ""Fuck Tom Brady!"" Turns out they heard that he is the G.O.A.T."

"How do Italians light their dynamite? With a fuse-illi."

"I was at a antique store and came across the first Playboy magazine ever issued...... Luckily, the owner didn't see me."

"What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising? Pants."

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: You love me? Cop: Me: Cop: Me: Is it because I'm driving a lawnmower? Cop: Yes. Me: *floors it*"