122921

Joke of the Day

"Cat knocks over coffee Me.... Cat.... Me... Cat.... Me: well? Cat.... Me.... Cat: (Russian accent) I admit to nothing. Jumps down"

"A double amputee was brought in for questioning after a shooting at a local convenience store. Police released the man soon after they discovered he was unarmed."

"What happened to the tree when the lumber jack hit on it? It got all sappy"

"""It just feels so good to have a clean apartment!"" - someone who's never killed a bear with a sword"

"To celebrate Boxing Day on Friday, I had a five minute training montage and beat the shit out of the biggest Russian I could find ..."

"[interview] Boss: Your CV says eggs, milk, bread Me: That's right [cut to supermarket] Wife: Excuse me, where are the attention to details?"

"What was the top item on Hitler's grocery list? Concentrated Juice."

"""It wasn't always easy growing up. Sometimes we had to wait .04 seconds for 9 million Google results to load."" - 2044 Presidential candidate"

"I wish I had never wished for that. ""Done. You're back to 2 wishes."""

"Yesterday my date asked me ,"" how do u view lesbians"" apparently in Full HD was not the right answer"