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Joke of the Day

"I really need to stop making jokes about drugs... They always seem to fall snort."

"How many jail guards does it take to change a light bulb? Why does it matter? Everyone knows the prison system can't change anything."

"The job hunt is going great I just spent 45 minutes applying online for a position at a company called ""Commercial Space Available."""

"What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order."

"I told my friend I made $600 a month selling dog shit He said: ""That's gross!"" I said: ""No, that's net."""

"Does any one know a program that converts mp3's into Nutella?"

"That's the hardest thing about killing a toddler? My dick."

"I really need someone to follow me around Target to say ""No. No. Put that back. You don't need that. You already have 4 of those at home."""

"My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he's a lamp...what does he know...."

"Dear Homework. They might be doing you, But They are always thinking about me. Sincerely FACEBOOK"