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Joke of the Day

"A police body camera is like Pokemon GO for catching criminals Mostly because it never seems to work properly"

"The bouncer was kicking me out & I put up my finger for him 2 wait,while I chugged the rest of my drink.All he could say was: Are U serious?"

"DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight"

"We play GTA because it let's us do things we wouldn't even think about doing in real life... Like golf, tennis and yoga."

"I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis."

"I was at Ihop the other day... and there was a one-legged girl named Eileen working there."

"It only took four men to wallpaper my house, but I had to slice them really thin."

"I've always been really bad at telling jokes. I always manage to fuck up the punchline."

"A zombie visits the Dry Cleaners. He shuffles up to the assistant behind the counter, holds up his dirty underwear and says... ""STAAAAINNNS! STAAAAINNNNS!"""

"OMG, I have finally discovered what is wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right, and on the right side there is nothing left ...... intresting"