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Joke of the Day

"Why is it that most people who are against abortion.. Are people you wouldn't wanna fuck in the first place. R.I.P. George Carlin."

"I am forming a new punk band! We are called ""young boys getting sodomised by fat middle aged men"". Search for us on google!"

"Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity."

"What is the greatest dilemma for a Jewish mother? She learns her son is gay, but he's dating a doctor."

"Tweeting and grocery shopping don't mix. I've been down every aisle and just realized all I have in my cart is a cabbage and someone's baby."

"I was dating this girl until I found out she stuffed her bra with tissue paper. Then I was hooked because serious allergy issues."

"America is still a British colony In England we speak English In France we speak French In Germany we speak German In China we speak Chinese In America we speak English *drops mic and leaves*"

"I feel bad for that caveman who invented the wheel because you know his mother-in-law was all ""She shoulda married Grog. He invented fire"""

"A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church... ""You can't be here"" says the pastor The Higgs Boson particle responds ""But with out me, how can you have mass?!"""

"WHATS A HIPPY?? THE THINGY WHERE YOUR LEGGIES HANG FROM"