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Joke of the Day

"Why are women like magazines? They have a lot of issues"

"Wife said she wasn't going to breadtfeed until after dar.. Sorry baby, today is the start of Mamadan. Edit: a letter"

"I accidentally dropped a piece of my bagel in the trash and it feels like a relative died."

"[using ouija board] R2...L2....L1....R2...LEFT...DOWN... ""what the hell?"" [everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]"

"I came all the way from New York.... and boy are my hands tired"

"Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween confused? Because: 25 DEC == 31 OCT Merry Christmas Fellow Nerds! :)"

"What should you do if you're cold? Stand in the corner, because it's 90 degrees."

"What can a lawyer do that a duck can't? Stick his bill up his arse."

"Why did God create women? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet."

"I've run out of Christmas wrapping paper so I'm going to use 'Happy Birthday' paper and write 'Jesus' after it."