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Joke of the Day

"Window repairman: What happened did someone try to break into your house? Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk"

"Surprise your partner in bed by dying in your sleep"

"What does an Engineer use for contraception? His personality!"

"If this Hillary case blows up... It will be the second time a weiner has ruined the presidency for a Clinton"

"What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog...because it croaks every night"

"My dad told me ""Son if you don't stop masturbating you'll go blind"" I told him ""Dad I'm over here"""

"[test driving car with car salesman] *parks on make out hill*"

"What's green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? a pool table."

"Job hunting tip: Leave the facial piercings at home. Hard to get hired when you look like you fell down a flight of stairs with a tackle box"

"A call When making food, mum asked me to **call** out to her once I finish draining something. So, being a smart ass, I called her phone."