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Joke of the Day
"I heard Lincoln is doing well in theaters Traditionally, this has not been true."
Next Joke
"I was attacked at a birthday party by a Mexican man with a baseball bat. Thankfully he was blindfolded and extremely dizzy."
"""Objection your honor, the defense is badg-"" BADGERING THE WITNESS! JINX! You can't talk. *Judge gives a respectful nod* ""Case dismissed."""
"If vegans are so smart... Then why do we call brain-dead people vegetables? p.s. Im sorry."
"My biggest regret of 2014? Probably when my husband watched ""The Notebook"" with me and then I yelled at him for not building me a house"
"Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a porcupine? A: Nobody knows, but whatever it is, it knits its own sweaters."
"Maybe Taylor Swfit dates Justin Bieber and John Mayer dates Selena Gomez and it's like matter/anti-matter and they all explode?"
"Take a selfie it'll last long-wait delete that one my eyebrows look fat take another."
"So two condoms walk into a bar... One looks at the other and says ""did you know this is a gay bar?"" ""Well yeah"" said the first condom, ""I plan on getting shitfaced tonight."""
"Ebola is in Dallas? At least the Dallas Cowboys don't have to worry about it. They can't catch anything."