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Joke of the Day
"The burrito I ate for lunch today just sent me a push notification."
Next Joke
"Three guys walk into a bar... You think the third guy would have learned to duck."
"Welcome to Religion, where everything's pretend and women don't matter"
"My personal trainer told me to stop eating pizzas but if I'm craving it I should just eat one slice. So now I ask them not to cut the pizza."
"Before you criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."
"A man works hard to name an interval equal to 24 hours. so he calls it a day."
"What is the difference between a hooker and an onion? I don't cry when I chop the hooker up."
"A reddit Moderator told me I have to flair my post.... So I replied, ""Well, that's only flair."""
"Doctor: ""Well, Mrs Jones, you are eating for two now!"" Kate: ""I'm pregnant?!"" Doctor: ""No. You have a tapeworm."""
"What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the dock."