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Joke of the Day

"My kids are gone for the WHOLE day. nnI miss them SO much, I can barely bring myself to pop this 3rd bottle of Champagne."

"If we drown in this upcoming hurricane, would that make us... ...the Joaquin Dead?"

"Joke for people who look at the custom settings when installing windows 10. What's the difference between windows 10 and the world's biggest virus? The Logo."

"If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don't think you understand what it is we do here."

"People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11... He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia..."

"Tom has no legs Who's that running? Not Tom"

"You're like a prize winning fish. I don't know whether to eat you or mount you."

"It's so unsettling meeting a baby with a grown man's name. No I don't want to hold Keith but can he look over my investment portfolio for me"

"As a large adult male I think I could probably last at least 30 seconds with Rhonda Rousey But probably less than 10 seconds in a fight against her."

"What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay? Heavy petting."