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Joke of the Day

"I got thrown out of the zoo today.... apparently you're not allowed to feed the ducks..... to the alligators........"

"Why was the man with no arms or legs the BEST party host? Because no matter what, when you get to the front door you will always see a welcome Matt."

"I saw Lenin pick his nose the other day... Communists have no class..."

"A magician was driving in his car... ...and he turned into a driveway."

"Despite the rumors, I actually don't have a problem with the new $20.... This country has a long history of trading black people for other goods."

"So a pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says ""You look so annoyed!"". The pirate points down and says ""Yargh - I have a steering wheel at the end of my penis. It's drivin' me nuts!"""

"Before calling me, ask yourself, ""Is this textable?"""

"So I was fucking my sister... ...and she stops me and says, ""Wow you fuck just like Dad."" I said, ""Yeah, that's what Mom tells me."""

"I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready."

"Meeting your ex IRL is like staring into a black hole There should be something there, but there isn't. And it sucks."