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Joke of the Day

"the american journal of medicine says diarrhea is hereditary. .. ...it runs in the jeans."

"Got robbed. Someone broke into my house, stole my stuff, but then replaced everything with an exact replica. I pointed this out to my closest friend, and he went, ""Have we met?""."

"How can you make a slow horse fast? Don't give him any food."

"If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy."

"Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?"

"My girlfriend killed my cat She claims that she is the only pussy I need."

"In high school, people called me ""Superman"" due to my light eyes and physical build. Also because I wore my underwear on top of my pants."

"Why do you ask me to press 1 for english when you know damn well you're going to transfer me to someone who doesn't speak english?"

"I had sex with a chipotle manager When I was about to lick some guac off her tits she stopped me and says ""You know that's extra, right?"""

"There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking."