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Joke of the Day

"Wife: You put the wrong date on this. Me: Oh, yeah. The year change always messes me up. Wife: You wrote 1992."

"What's Franklin D Roosavelt's favorite game show? Deal or New Deal"

"So i picked up this girl the other night... And she was all like ""Put me down!!!"""

"Don't be racist Instead, be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!"

"A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!"

"How did Helen Keller learn to masturbate? She was reading her lips."

"What is any guy's dream first job? A blowjob"

"A midget went to visit the doctors There was a long wait and the nurse said ""you're going to have to be a little patient"""

"If I had all the money, I would pay people to sneak up behind you and blast a bullhorn right before you hit send on a political tweet."

"""I sound nothing like that when I cry."" -doves"