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Joke of the Day

"Cop- Do you have any drugs in the vehicle? -No, go fish."

"Did you know Hitler's father was a cobbler? He made Jews."

"How is American beer comparable to having sex on a boat? It's fucking close to water."

"INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did... did it work?"

"I'm single for so long My last girlfriend dumped me on MSN."

"Recall how as children we were told not to make ugly faces because we'd ""stick that way?"" Careful. It works for dumbing ourselves down, too."

"What is Dracula's girlfriend called when she gives him head? Down for the count!"

"Word of the day: exhaustipated. Too tired to give a shit."

"Why can't Edward leave Russia? He's Snowden."

"A guy walks in a library and asks for a book on how to commit suicide Librarian: Fuck you, you won't return it"