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Joke of the Day

"[police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a light grey Me: ... My dog: if that helps"

"As it turns out, ""harder"" is a horrible safe word."

"Hey yoda... Are we in the right way? -Off course we are. -All right. KEEP GOING IN THIS WAY."

"People with profile pictures of their kids. Stop it. All I can think is, why are these toddlers trying to add me on facebook?"

"With the PSN down I've had a chance to speak to my children... They seem nice"

"Why is Jesus so bad at hockey? Because he keeps getting nailed to the boards!"

"My ex and I split up with no hostility... We had a non-diss closure agreement"

"Why can't Nietzsche use pencils? Because they're all pointless"

"Whorehouse party My friend had a party at the local whorehouse and everyone came."

"A Freddie Mercury Joke If you had sex with Freddie Mercury and got AIDS, would that be considered Mercury poisoning?"