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Joke of the Day

"I posted ""Happy Almost Mother's Day!"" on this chick I grew up with's Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion."

"I got tired of smelling soggy tacos, so I quit working at Taco Bell. Also, the food smells like shit."

"I'm a fartartist The fart is silent"

"On Gun Control Yesterday I Called The Fire Arms, Tobacco, Alcohol And Asked The Agent What Fully Automatic Weapon Goes With A Shot Of Burbon. Sean O' Talk Show Host SOS Computer Talk"

"Its ridiculous that Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his anger issues and not for his amazing & realistic paintings of fake tunnels."

"How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard."

"Women are like coffee beans: The coarser they are, the more you need to grind them, the finer they get."

"Why should you be quiet in a pharmacy? In case you wake the sleeping pills!"

"Did you hear about that new movie ""Constipation?!"" It still hasn't come out!"

"A first kiss so tentative and awkward, you regret all the time you spent practicing on your beagle. Did I just say that out loud?"