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Joke of the Day

"There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people Push and pull"

"How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents."

"Why didn't anyone drive stick in Soviet Russia? They were afraid of Stalin."

"My mother-in-law said ""just do what you normally do"" when she came to stay with us. Not going to lie, naked Saturday was a little awkward."

"Why did Marxism never catch on in England? Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea."

"My wife told me to give her nine inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her twice, and hit her with a brick."

"A man walks into a barn The horse says, ""Why the wrong place?"""

"Reporter: Doctor, what motivates you to care for coma patients? Me: Well, I'm just here *puts cap on Sharpie* to put smiles on their faces"

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND-EYEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"*accidentally summons malevolent demon at a seance* I WILL HAUNT YOUR HOME FOREVER! [4 days later] YOU KNOW, YOU COULD CLEAN UP OCCASIONALLY"