132099

Joke of the Day

"Your resume just says ""falconer"" ""And?"" Well, this is a bank *falcon starts break-dancing* ""Not yet Tyler, wait until he offers us the job"""

"FLY WITHOUT WINGS Q: What is a fly without wings? A: A walk."

"Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling"

"Is there a shorter word for monosyllabic? Credit: Stephen Wright"

"You could tell if someone was wearing a cape underneath a white button down shirt is all I'm saying. #weknowitsusuperman"

"*trains 1 million soldier ants* *gets carried to work*"

"Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me."

"A man tell his waitress he would like to order a beer When she asks what brand of beer he would like to drink he replies with, ""Root"". And dads all over the world sighed with satisfaction ."

"Went out with a blind girl last night A blind girl was jerking me off last night, and told me I had the biggest dick she's ever felt. I told her she was pulling my leg."

"Boss: Where'd you go?? Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen. Boss: Okay? Me: So I went to lunch."