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Joke of the Day

"Last night, a guy tried to stab me with a butter knife He said i was toast."

"I just got back from a once in a lifetime trip.... ....I'll tell you what, never again"

"A squirrel had dynamite. He was trying to bust a nut"

"no idea! I told my boyfriend that my mom is old so she needs to speak slowly and loud. Then I told my mom my boyfriend is retarded. They have no idea!"

"Three hunters come across some tracks in the middle of the woods... The first hunter says its wolf tracks the second says its bear tracks the third was hit by a trian"

"I should buy my girlfriend a plunger for christmas because she loves to bring up old shit."

"What's the definition of relative humidity? The sweat that accumulates under your balls when you're fucking you're sister."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He opened a warehouse."

"Why did Jesus stop playing Hockey? Because he got nailed into the boards (It's a joke not to insult anyone)"

"Why was the vampire's girlfriend mad at him? Because she couldn't finish her sentences. Why couldn't she finish her sentences? He kept eating her periods."