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Joke of the Day

"""I'm sorry I'm legally not allowed to take more than 3 passengers."" *runs through 4 red lights going 15 miles over the speed limit.*"

"Your momma's so ugly... ... that on Halloween, the kids give their candy to *her*!"

"What did the plant say to the runaway melons in love? You cantelope!"

"What's the difference between a group of intelligent midgets and a girls xc team? One is a group of cunning runts and the other is a group of running cunts."

"What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? You can spill your beer on a fiddle."

"I hate those Babushka dolls... ...they're so full of themselves!"

"My pet rabbit, Nickel, just died. So I buried him in the yard. Now I just have a Nickel-less cage."

"I'm so old that I was the tv remote when I was a kid"

"[home late] Where were you? ""Uh, with my.. gf?"" Gf? Well, tell us about her! What's her name? [commercial on tv] uh.. Lisa.. Brandnewtoyota"

"What do you call a laughing labradoodle? A snickerdoodle."