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Joke of the Day

"My wife left me According to her, she is sick of me talking behind her back and pushing her around. In my defence, she's in a wheelchair."

"[traffic jam] MAN: [rolls down window] Dude, why? ME: [in the next car holding a rabbit as it repeatedly kicks the horn] It's his birthday"

"I tried smuggling child porn across the border once.... and i would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those fucking kids!"

"North-Korean food I made North korean food for my GF. She said pizza isn't North korean. I said Shut up and eat it."

"Where does the General keep his armies? Up his sleevies!"

"What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital? ICU"

"I used to be afraid of flying in planes Until I tried it without one."

"Q: ""What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"" A: ""You can't tuna fish."""

"What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Trying to fit in."

"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it."