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Joke of the Day

"There are 2 LOSERS who hang out at the same sidewalk corner everyday... The taller LOSER says to the other ""Hey man, have you seen my keys?"". The other LOSER replies, ""No, have you seen my wallet?""."

"Are you assholes still playing the lottery with the numbers from Lost?"

"Why does heaven have such great wifi? Because of all the cloud space."

"What's the difference between kinky and perverted ? Kinky you use a feather; perverted you use the whole chicken !"

"The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave."

"What happens on Santa's lap......stays on Santa's lap."

"The ATM told me, ""Not enough funds in account,"" when I tried to withdraw. This ATM needs a bigger account."

"Think bobcats prefer to be called robertcats?"

"Tough break for cows. They're filled with delicious meat and covered in leather. How are we supposed to not kill them?"

"Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins."