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Joke of the Day

"A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop."

"Where do you eat toaster waffles on the beach? San Diego!!"

"The guy two cubes down wears vests, curls his mustache, and never says a word. I always smile politely because maybe he'll spare my life."

"Women are like rollercoasters... Fucking mental."

"Everyone wants a bigger house until you have to dust Now I'm dreaming of a one room shanty inside a bubble"

"My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed. His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before. Sorry Gene. We still love you."

"What's a suicidal Russian's favorite drink? Cyka bleach"

"There's an entire group of white people who believe the most cultured thing you can do is decorate your home with weird Asian themed stuff."

"*watches as both hands turn into devils* *looks over sink* HAND SATANIZER ""Oh, this is just great"""

"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from."