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Joke of the Day

"People ask me how I got a BMI of 21.2. I tell them, ""I just did the meth""."

"I don't like coconut so I don't eat coconut. I don't follow coconut around criticizing its texture or taste or tweets or sense of humor."

"How do you piss off a white guy? Tell him he is racist."

"What do Rick Astley and a loyal partner in crime have in common? They'd both probably get raped in prison."

"What is it about glow sticks that makes me want to dance in a field wearing fairy wings? If only I hadn't taken so many drugs I'd know this."

"Why did the chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it'd be a chicken sedan!"

"Come forth... And God said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"My wife claims to be very good at yoga... but I think she's just a poser."

"""Someone called me a butterface today! Is that bad?"" ""Well it's *half* a compliment."""

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the gym manager when he was joining a new gym? I'll re-rack."