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Joke of the Day

"*i sneeze* Atheist: bless u Me: ha! i caught u Atheist: no its just like, an expression Me:*grabbing him by shoulders* u believe in god"

"""I'm not a fan."" -air conditioner"

"What is the first symptom of AIDS? Pounding in the anus"

"TIL where the first French fry was made. In grease."

"When someone says ""It is what it is,"" I reply, ""Isn't it?"" so we can both sound useless."

"X is a sign of the times But if you're in excel, it's *"

"The worktops in my kitchen were put in by a professional counter-fitter... Turns out they were fake."

"ME: u know what they say, drink with one eye open WIFE: they don't say that, you're drunk ME: *closes other eye* it is very dark in here"

"What's an activity 9/10 people enjoy? Gang rape."

"*Invents silent snack packages. *Becomes president of the United States."