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Joke of the Day

"""Mmmmm hmmmm! I herd that!"" - a sassy shepherd"

"Dinosaurs went extinct because they heard Chuck Norris was coming."

"How many 2nd trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They can't get that high! (My band teacher told me that one today)"

"Heavy metal is not intimidating to me because half of the time it's just the plot of Lord Of The Rings yelled over guitar solos."

"In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library. -Conan Monologue June 12, 2014"

"Women belong in the House ...and the Senate"

"""Better to be pissed off than pissed on!"" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I'm not angry or covered in piss."

"How do you comfort a grammar fanatic? There, they're, their..."

"Way less people would sneeze in public if we replaced ""bless you"" with ""nice filthcloud."""

"With women it's not about how much money you make, what you drive or where you live at... LOL Who am I kidding, even the homeless women go after the homeless guys with the most stuff.."