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Joke of the Day

"[on a plane] Stewardess: ""Would you like a mint? It'll help your ears during takeoff"" Me: ""Sure, can I have two?"" *puts one in each ear*"

"Why did the banker leave his job? he lost interest"

"I heard a man at the beach yelling ""I can't swim!"" Well, I can't play the fucking Piano but am I bitching about it? Attention Whore..."

"What's a feminists favorite music festival? Burning Man."

"What do you call a guy who falls into a Yellowstone hot spring? Stew."

"I went swimming the other day and nearly drowned. 2 families were there to pull me out. The Smith family and the Ball family. Luckily I was pulled out by the Smiths I went swimming the other day..."

"I cant get on Tumblr anymore... My doctor told me to cut down on Trans-Fats"

"I can just about tolerate pens... ...but I have to say I draw a line with pencils."

"Why are elephants big, wrinkled, grey, and hairy? Because if they were small, smooth, white, and hairless, they'd beaspirin tablets!"

"What does a cell that's full of shit do? Lyse."