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Joke of the Day

"It would be terrifying if Elizabeth I were alive today... ... Because she's dead. Note: Credit goes to my dryly-sarcastic history professor."

"First they came for the Fight Club members, but I said nothing, because...you know...rules."

"Why did the bumble bee have sticky fur? Because he used a honey comb."

"My pregnant wife said her doctor told her no more sex until the baby is born I asked, ""What did your dentist say?"""

"What do a thong and Bernie Sander's crazyman hairstyle have in common? They both barely cover a cunt."

"Never understand when someone says, ""cats are snobby."" Like dogs are constantly inviting you & the kids over for burgers & a swim?"

"Always a metermaid never a meter"

"Donald Trump is what happens when a YouTube commenter makes a billion dollars."

"Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone threw a fridge at her."

"Wind In The Willows: Choosing Nicknames: Ratty: I'll be The Ratster! Toad: I'll be The Toadster! Mole: I'll be The Molest... I'll be Moley."