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Joke of the Day

"My wife likes to talk to me after sex... It's great, I've got a special ringtone set up and everything."

"*offers dog a treat* Dog: I have a boyfriend"

"Double limb transplants are so expensive They cost an arm and leg"

"She told me to give her 9 inches, and make it hurt. So i fucked her 3 times, and punched her in the nose"

"I believe meat is murder, vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer."

"News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring. Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat. Edit: this is /u/Onetap1's joke, credit goes to him"

"16 sodium atoms walks into a bar.... followed by Batman."

"Hanukah hip-hop act of the decade? Dr. Dreidel with Justin Timberlatke. (There's gotta be more we can do with this.)"

"Do you know how to tell if a bee is Africanized? It's all in the lips."

"Hey, people who act like they're about to fight but are really friends, you are FREAKING the rest of us out."