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Joke of the Day

"Somewhere in Brooklyn there's a baby named Helvetica being fussy about eating pureed kale and sleeping in his crib of repurposed bike parts."

"What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car? Steamed Vegetable."

"What is Dracula's pornstar name? Vlad the Impaler"

"The closest I get to exercising is when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend jog for like 10 feet."

"Feminism thats the joke"

"If you tell me your kid is 22 months and I buy it a beer, that's on you. That is your bad."

"Sometimes I like to leave seafood restaurants clutching my stomach and whisper ""Don't order the fish,"" to people waiting for tables."

"Why do they call them ""S'mores""? Because you always want another one!"

"Jesus might love me but my girlfriend gives me blowjobs so religion is stupid."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Chaz ! Chaz who ? Chaz nasty as you wanna be !"