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Joke of the Day

"How do you find a velociraptor? By taking the integral of the acceleraptor! Me: http://imgur.com/H8rLjub Everyone else: http://imgur.com/J3hC4Ci"

"Wanna know what 1000 marbles spilling on a tile floor sounds like? Have kids."

"What does a fat person, a match, and a phone have in common? Cellulite."

"What do Syrian refugees eat for breakfast? Syrial!"

"a contractor is just a regular tractor that rips people off"

"F*ck the zombie apocalypse, it's never going to happen. Worry about the f*cktard apocalypse, it's already upon us."

"I wrote down a joke about prepositional phrases But I can't remember where I left the paper at."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? You wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on your face."

"What kind of sex does a priest have? Nun."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face."