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Joke of the Day

"Yo mamma so fat... When you download a picture of her at work, the IT department thinks they're under a DDoS attack."

"What does someone with a foot fetish wish for? To meet their solemate."

"Zombies never bite hipsters. They taste fine. We just don't want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool."

"Lincoln and Twilight opening the same weekend? Once again, Abe gets killed in a theater, and he's already fought vampires once this year."

"I'm very anti-slavery, but boy do I hate laundry."

"'Why are you crying Ted ?' asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'"

"I lost my job at the hospital today for sexual assault.... It's not my fault that they put up a sign that said, 'stroke patients downstairs'."

"Hulk Hogan: I struggled to overcome manic-depression. Me [as his therapist]: So you could say you had to wrestle mania? *gets leg dropped*"

"with great power comes great electricity bills"

"How many hobos does it take to screw in a light bulb? They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in dumpsters"