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Joke of the Day

"I see your 'swagger' and raise you my full-time job. Yeah."

"I hate it when restraining orders get in the way of meaningful relationships. Well played future wife. You win this round"

"Those little bumps around your nipples? That's braille for ""suck me."""

"Why couldn't hitler go to the barbecue He burnt the franks"

"My 1-year-old stabbed a stuffed animal with a broken plastic spoon. She learned to fight in prison."

"There's a fine line between confidence and delusion and I ride that shit like a bear on a unicycle."

"dirty minds Hey sexy shut the door, drop your pants, climb on top of me, and satisfy your needs. love always your Toilet."

"Don't make fun of Kanye when he's talking to his reflection That would be two Yeezy"

"You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you."

"I went to buy a Christmas tree. The guy said, ""Are you gonna put it up yourself?"" I said, ""No, I was thinking the living room."""