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Joke of the Day

"2 Indian guys accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine... Both were rushed to hospital. One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka."

"WIFE: Don't tell the kids but I threw away those awful pictures they made & stuck on the fridge ME: [sprinting towards the bin] MY ART"

"A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. ""Excuse me"" he said to the cat in charge ""Can you get milk stains out?"" ""Sure"" replied the cat. ""We'll have that stain licked in a minute!"""

"I'm not Anti-Social. I'm Pro-Doing Shit on my Phone."

"How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb? I thought 12, but the basements still dark."

"I told a rape joke the other day and a dude got mad. He said ""I hope you have a daughter and she gets raped so you can see how it feels."" Well I mean she'd have to survive the abortion first."

"Just a taste... Lemme kiss that newborn so I know what the inside of your wife tastes like."

"'NO NO NO NO NO NO' - My brain, every time words start coming out of my mouth."

"Did you guys hear about that guy that was stealing everyone's power? He's a real Joule thief."

"My wife is: 1) Am amazing mom and a great friend 2) Still the most beautiful girl I've ever been with 3) Now following me on Twitter"