117706

Joke of the Day

"What does religion and Ikea have in common? The stuff they have looks good but its impossible to put together. huehue"

"I like how the dude in the next self-checkout lane is trying to disarm me with small talk like we don't both know this is a goddamn race"

"""THEN HE GOES BACK IN TIME AND THE DOGGIE IS SAD AND ICE CREAM."" --My 3 year-old, telling a more coherent story than LOST."

"Columbus: SO THIS IS INDIA Natives: actually it's no- C: HI INDIANS N: no see, we are nowhere near- C: INDIA IS FUN LETS EAT YOUR FOOD"

"Forget Beniffer & Brangelina! The new power couple in Hollywood is Peeta & Katniss from The Hunger Games! Or Peeniss for short."

"My watch broke a week ago I've been meaning to replace it but I don't have the time"

"How can you tell if a fat chick is pregnant? You can't."

"Twitter's ""suggestions for you"" should include the basics, too, like ""get more sleep"" and ""have you responded to that email from your mom?"""

"FOR CHRISSAKES, GARY - WE JUST ROBBED A DAMN BANK! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TEACH YOUR NIECE HOW TO DRIVE!"

"I'm concerned that little girls are being taught it's okay to eat."