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Joke of the Day

"In 1987, we had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope... ...now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope."

"Living in Greece.. Living in ""Greece "" now is like being a Sanitary Napkin. You're in the most beautiful place but in a bad period..!!"

"My tombstone will just say ""Deactivated."" I want people to be afraid that I could come back."

"""You know the speed limit here, son?"" 45 ""You know how fast you were going?"" 88 ""So where you off to in such a hurry?"" 1985"

"How do you identify a vegan at a party? You don't, they come and tell you"

"What's the worst thing about eating a vegtable? Putting her back in the wheel chair..."

"I asked my 3yo daughter if I should get a minivan... She said, no, you should get a Daisy van."

"Fred: let's settle this once and for all! *fred rips my face away revealing bloody skull* Velma: he wasn't wearing a mask! Fred: I know."

"What's black and can't swim? A microwave oven."

"Henry VIII would be glad to know that in a post-Game Of Thrones world he actually seems pretty chill"