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Joke of the Day

"I used to never give a shit, but my attitude is improving. Now I don't give two shits."

"I don't understand why we're always sending pills to Africa... I mean... aren't you supposed to take them after meals?"

"A friend and I just decided that in 10 years if we aren't married we will tell each other what's honestly wrong about ourselves."

"Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house? Because he was Snowden"

"Your girlfriend is 41?!?! she could be your mother! but she isn't... She's yours."

"There are only 2 things Donald Trump fears: 1) The world discovers he's been lying about being a billionaire, and 2) a strong wind."

"How do Polish dogs get bumps on their heads? Chasing parked cars."

"What type of people do vampires like? Type O positive people."

"Nuff said? No seriously, what did Nuff say?"

"Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said ""Drac we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?"" ""Yes"" replied Dracula ""have lots of giraffes."""