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Joke of the Day

"The best part about owning a pet. You can blame your dog for farting, you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the basement."

"A girl called me up, she said ""come over there's nobody home"" So I went over, but there was nobody home"

"What do you call a Japanese Transvestite? Nip Tuck"

"*breathes on window creating condensation *starts to write in condensation *sneezes *head slams into window and breaks it"

"I get to my doctor appointments 45 minutes late so I can get there on time."

"The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen. Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone."

"Donald Trump told me what his favorite childhood game was. Bashing the Mexican Pinata."

"The guy behind me at the grocery store only had energy drinks, root beer & gummie lifesavers, so I asked how far into assassins creed he was"

"[NSFW] What do you call 2 black guys raping a white girl? A giant Oreo."

"Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks? Because he was Legoless"