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Joke of the Day

"It's easier to travel back in time and stop yourself from being born than it is to delete your Facebook account."

"""Would you just look at all this bullshit?!"" - enthusiastic fertilizer suppliers"

"Me: *tied up* Guy: *hits my kneecap* M: I'm not a rat! G: Bring in her sworn enemy! G2: *tosses Rubik's Cube at me* M: Oh god no! I'll talk!"

"Dogs are all ""huh?"" while cats are all ""ugh."""

"i have claimed all of you on my taxes as a deduction so if someone else asks tell them it is too late"

"Removing make-up or as I like to say, Resetting face to factory settings."

"My favorite position is the 68. You go down on me and I'll owe you one!"

"""Dad, why couldn't the doctors save grandpa's life? ""Doesn't matter son, he would have suffocated in the coffin"""

"President Bush's speech on the 10th Anniversary of Katrina Brownie did a heck of a job!"

"""I came, I added lettuce, I conquered"" -Julius Caesar Salad"