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Joke of the Day

"You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them."

"Kinda bummed that my pet goldfish died today of a bladder infection. Although to be fair, I probably should have realized something was up when the bowl kept overflowing."

"[overhears girl at work crying because her grandad & her dad died this month] Me: not all men are like that"

"The only thing I want to ""portion control"" is my time spent at work."

"I don't like generalizations... They all suck."

"The nice thing about being a girl is OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE'S A BAT IN THE HOUSE, HONEY, GET IT! GET IT!"

"i'm so bad at rock-paper-scissors, last time i accidently joined a street gang."

"Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'? Now you have to say ""Jerome can you please paint the fence""."

"Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket! *removes banana* How did you know? *begins to peel & eat banana* I'm still glad to see you though."