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Joke of the Day

"I find it in poor taste that the 1am drive-thru attendant asks ""How are you?"" Not good, Maria. Clearly."

"No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly. I'm so mis-tweeted."

"What is the best way to lose money? A: Lend it to Greece."

"Spoil any movie by telling ur friend ""Ice Cube dies"" before they watch it. They'll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time"

"How do you call a blond who has colored her hair to brown? Artificial intelligence!"

"What do you get when you add human DNA with goat DNA I don't know but I was kicked out of the petting zoo.."

"My fridge exploded. . . And there are pieces of de-brie everywhere."

"What do you call a German outkast? Hey, ja!"

"Mispronouncing words is kind of my forty"

"Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it's being shoved into an oven"