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Joke of the Day

"Why are Aspirins and Paracetamol white? Well, you want them to work, don't you?"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather Not yelling and screaming, like the passengers in his car."

"ALBUS: It's a Time-Turner! We can travel back in time and change ANYTHING. SNAPE: That's amazing. We can save- ALBUS: Nah, gave it to a kid."

"It didn't take long for Japan to illustrate Rousey's knockout. See? http://imgur.com/NSLx1SZ EDIT: Link works now."

"What did Iocaste say to Oedipus when he dropped his plate? ""You dumb motherfucker!"""

"My Granddad committed suicide. He drove off a cliff. Everyone was screaming and shouting at him telling him not to do it. Then again he was a bus driver."

"Art is when u fart without F."

"Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on the Internet. That was a close one."

"what is the difference between toilet paper and toast Toast is brown on both sides."

"Wear jeans every day and nobody cares. Wear a shirt twice in a row and you're suddenly homeless in the eyes of everyone."