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Joke of the Day

"Instead of God, try worshipping a golf cart for a few years and see if it makes any difference."

"Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I cant even get into my own pants."

"You brought me roses? I can't eat this. Get out."

"do you know why its called pms? 'Cause mad cow was taken"

"Paddy needs to get his shit together"

"If I have trouble finding an arm hole while putting on a dress shirt, I imagine I'm rehearsing for my show ""Damien Fahey: Shitty Magician""."

"What is Jesus' favorite band? Nine Inch Nails"

"If I were a famous president I would totally use money as photo I.D."

"I like to shave my pubes... It helps reduce the wind resistance and makes me able to run faster. You haven't seen me on the news yet because I'm too fast."

"Did you know Hitler's father was a cobbler? He made Jews."