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Joke of the Day

"I get carried away sometimes. Because I refuse to leave."

"What's the difference between a Russian bot and a sincere Trump supporter? One of them actually exists and the other *ees teepeecal Amyerikyan pyatriot*."

"It's weird that you need money to stay alive."

"What's the difference between a complimentary cocktail and major brain surgery? One is a free bottle in front of me, the other is a pre-frontal lobotomy."

"I used to be a rubbish collector. Now I'm pretty good."

"So let me get this straight, a 747 can carry a space shuttle on its ""back"", and yet airlines charge for overweight baggage?"

"If I knew then what I know now, I would have been a really creepy, sexually frustrated toddler."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up."

"Why the chicken cross the road .... to get the Chinese newspaper. Do you get it? Neither do I, I get the new york times"

"Did you hear the Miami Heat's new theme song? It's absolute fire"