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Joke of the Day

"Um, guys, whaddya do with a 5 y.o. at an aquarium who's hysterical because she sees Dory in a tank and I kind of need to know right now."

"Q: Why did the chicken say ""Meow oink bow-wow and moo?"" A: He was studying foreign languages."

"I always wanted to see Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up They'd be great alloys."

"Did you hear the new broom joke? It's sweeping the nation!"

"It's just not sanitary to let people get under your skin."

"Mom always said she didn't have a favorite child, which was tough because I don't have any brothers or sisters."

"My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on."

"The International Weavers Union has released a report that membership is at an all-time low. A union spokesperson called the situation a looming crisis."

"ME: I'm just gonna take a quick nap. KIDS: Check out the new cirque du soleil show we invented. *living room is on fire*"

"Scientists just discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... it's called 'wedding cake'"