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Joke of the Day

"My wife sent me to the store to buy shampoo, conditioner, lotion and condoms. I'm pretty sure the cashier thinks I'm making a girlfriend."

"Do these jorts stuffed with free breadsticks from Olive Garden make my thighs look oily?"

"What happens when you cross a grown kitten, a donkey, and a champion? A cat-ass-trophy."

"Why are you laughing? My dentist just pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh about in that. But it was the wrong one!"

"What are the similarities between Cocaine and Gain detergent? A:With both of them you go sniff sniff hooray!"

"GENIE: u have 3 wishes ME: give Taylor Swift 1 extra ear GENIE: k ME: a blue one GENIE: righto ME: now make Kanye hear out of it GENIE: dude"

"Why do teenage girls not like filing papers? They just don't believe in labels."

"Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers."

"What's the difference between rape and extortion? How you spell blackmail"

"My girlfriend says I have compulsive lying disorder... ...she's right; I don't have a girlfriend."