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Joke of the Day

"Found my first gray pubic hair. The people in line with me at the market were not nearly as impressed as I was."

"Who are the greatest financiers in the bible? Noah, all his stock was afloat when the rest of the world was in liquidation, and Pharaohs' daughter, who went to the bank and found a little prophet."

"Two termites walk into a pub... A waitress asks if she can help them. ""No,"" they say, ""We'd just like to know, is the bar tender here?"""

"WIFE: I'm tired of you living in a fantasy world ME: *imagining she's Kate Upton* You always say that, Kate WIFE: Who is Kate? WHO IS KATE?"

"Only sometimes do I use semicolons in my writing; I don't want to sound like a *complete* asshole. edit: grammar. Thanks, /u/jwfiredragon"

"I'll finish this joke when my dad gets back buying cigarets"

"Dishwasher at work is like my girlfriend... It has everything it needs, but still beeps."

"I was looking for the sun at night, and then it dawned on me."

"I once sat down with Oprah to discuss my drug use but I was high & that might not have been Oprah because why did she need to borrow money?"

"What do they call a list of athletes in Jamaica? A rasta."