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Joke of the Day

"When god created Adam, she said: ""I've got good news and bad news.... ...good news is, I'm giving you a penis AND a brain. Bad news is, I'm only giving you enough blood to use one at a time."""

"If there's something strange, in your neighborhood, Who ya gonna call? GEORGE ZIMMERMAN"

"Why were the teachers eyes so crossed? She couldn't control her pupils."

"You enter. ""I've been expecting you,"" I say from behind the massive swivel chair. I put too much leg into turning around & spin for 5 mins."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!"

"Looking forward to Monday? You're married"

"A brother and sister are fucking and the girl suddenly giggles Brother: Why are you giggling? Sister: Because! You fuck just like dad, haha! Brother: I know, mom told me"

"Just accidentally zoomed so far out of a Word document that I saw the birth of the universe"

"Ugly Duckling is my favorite story that teaches kids it's okay to look weird for a while as long as u get ur act together and become hot."

"People who say ""you can run but you can't hide"" have never played hide & seek with me.. or seen me run."